One Year Later: Back in the ER
I didn’t expect to find myself here again — not today, not like this.Exactly one year ago, I was in this very place. The flashing monitors. The sterile smell. The quiet hum of machines and the constant buzz of uncertainty. It was the ER where my world tilted — the day I had a stroke.Today, I sit in this room again. And while it’s for something different this time, the memories hit like waves. My body tenses. My heart races. My thoughts scatter. The anxiety isn’t just in my mind — it’s in my chest, in my breath, in the walls around me.I know I’m not the only one who’s felt this. When trauma revisits us — even if it’s not exactly the same — it awakens something deep. Something we thought we’d healed from. Something we hoped was behind us.
The Battle Within
I want to be full of faith. I want to quote Scripture and declare healing and walk with confidence. And in many ways, I still do.But there’s also a very human side of me — the side that remembers how fragile life can be. The side that wonders, “What if it happens again?” The side that wrestles with the unknown.And I think God sees that side too.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
Not just the brave-hearted. Not just the strong. But the crushed, the anxious, the ones sitting in hospital gowns with shaky hands and worried minds.
Faith Isn’t the Absence of Fear
I’m learning that faith doesn’t mean we never feel fear — it means we don’t walk through fear alone.Yes, I’m back in the ER. Yes, my body feels anxious. But God hasn’t changed. The same God who sustained me last year is with me now. The same grace that carried me through the valley then will carry me today.
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me…” – Psalm 23:4
I’m not walking in circles. I’m walking with a Savior who redeems every step — even the hard ones.
If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed
Maybe your “ER” looks different. Maybe it’s a financial crisis. A relationship that’s unraveling. A diagnosis. A battle with anxiety no one sees.Here’s what I want to tell you (and remind myself too):God is not scared of our fear. He enters into it with us.He doesn’t rush us past the pain. He doesn’t shame us for trembling. He just sits with us. Holds us. Reminds us we’re not abandoned.
A Prayer for Today
“Lord, I don’t know what tomorrow holds. But I know You hold me. Calm the storm inside of me. Quiet the noise. Steady my heart. Thank You for being near in this room, in this moment, in my anxiety. I trust You — even when I don’t feel brave.”
One year later, and yes — I’m back in the ER. But I’m also one year stronger, one year more grateful, and one year deeper in the grace of God who never lets go. Thank you for praying for me and walking with me — even in the uncertain places.